I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
