Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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