she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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