haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
