if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
