Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You ruined the universe
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
