I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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