Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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