Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
