Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
