Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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