Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
