I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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