I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize