Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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