I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
