All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i came on her dog
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
