Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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