is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
