i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
