Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
