i think i have herpe
just one?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
