I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
