All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
