But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
