as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
love makes seman taste better
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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