haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
