the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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