My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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