There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
