I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
