remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
