Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
