anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
