i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
