i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
