I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
