I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
