Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
