Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
