I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
