my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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