So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
