How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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