whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
