Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
