I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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