he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
