Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
