I wanna passion pit in your ass
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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