I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
