just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
