I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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