My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
