I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
They have beer where we have blood.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
