Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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