I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
