is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
