I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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