Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
