Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
