I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
COCAINE IS GR8
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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