i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
