Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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