Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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